Pop music hasn’t always been about drug dealing, casual
sex, oblivion drinking, strip-clubs and gang-related murder, as your parents
would contend. Oh no.
They’ll insist, that back in the “good old days”, pop
music used to be about more wholesome subjects; like death through dangerous
driving (Leader Of The Pack), murdering unfaithful women (Delilah) and of
course transvestites seducing naïve young men (Lola).
Oh but that was different, they’ll say. It was fun and playful. Not something to be taken seriously, it was always
about the energy and the melodies. Not
like nowadays with your Pussycat Dolls pushing prostitution on 6 year olds.
They forget the music they evidently prefer happened when they were young; so naturally it seemed
harmless at the time, perhaps even a little racy. Now
they’re old, it seems so much more real and threatening.
So lest we be allowed to forget, the vilest gangster-wannabe
rapping about “blunts” or some such has absolutely nothing on the creepy
fascinations that were big hits back in the day. These were not obscure vinyl releases listened
to by no one, you understand. These
songs containing insinuations of sexual interest in minors were huge way back
when.
On behalf of our
lawyers, we don’t think any of these songs were actually intended to be anthems
for NAMBLA, they just ended up that way, unintentionally.
#5 – Itsy Bitsy Teen Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini – Brian Hyland
The song
First released in June 1960 by Brian Hyland, written by Paul
Vance and Lee Pockriss. Lyrics here
Number 1 in the US, Top Ten in many other countries, including
the UK Singles Chart.
Covered in 1990 by the Timmy Mallett-fronted Bombalurina,
it reached #1. You can listen to it
here, if you really want to, or if you have
a lot of free time. Or if you’re doing a
research project on the decline of western civilisation.
Future historians will wonder over the UK Singles Chart,
and will probably conclude it was the device of a cruel, totalitarian regime to
torture dissidents.
What it’s about
A 2 year old girl.
Still think the song is a playful, harmless ditty? Paul Vance wrote the song inspired by the
bikini his 2-year old was rather shy of revealing. We don’t blame her.
#4 – My Sharona - The Knack
The song
My Sharona was the first single ever released by The
Knack and made #1 in the US in 1979. The
Hit Me Baby One More Time of its day, as the band never managed to exceed the
success of that initial smash. Although
unlike Britney, they did not go mental, or have sex with Justin Timberlake, to
the best of our knowledge.
What it’s about
Barely (as in not) legal under-age sex. Lyrics
Sharona was a real person. Her name was Sharona Alperin and she was the
girlfriend of The Knack’s lead-singer and guitarist Doug Fieger.
Picture
He was 25, and she was 17, under the legal age of sexual
consent for most states in the USA.
So if you have had a guilty pull thinking
about Miley Cyrus before November 23rd 2010, you are a sex criminal in the
eyes of US law.
The song
#1 in six countries, and Top Ten in five more. Winner of the 1976 Eurovision Song Contest. That was in the days before it was
exclusively the preserve of the gay community and the acerbic wit of Terry
Wogan.
With a smile the ladies love…
What it’s about
A 3 year-old. Lyrics
Right up until the final, chilling, line where it is
revealed the song is sung toward a toddler, you’re led to believe it’s a sickly
ode to a lover to stay faithful while the protagonist embarks for parts
unknown.
The use of romantic language substituting for the
paternal protective love of a child is something you really could only get away
with in the more sexually innocent time of the 70s
Picture
But it’s not as bad as…
#2 – Sweet
Caroline – Neil Diamond
The song
Released in 1969, Top Ten in the US and later becoming a
Top Ten single in the UK in 1971. It has
gone on to become one of Diamond’s most beloved songs, receiving a rapturous
response when he played it at Glastonbury in 2008. The song is also a mainstay of several
Baseball arenas, including the home of the Boston Red Sox, Fenway Park.
It’s used as crowd control
What it’s about
Caroline Kennedy, daughter of President John F. Kennedy,
who was 11 years old when the song was released, and 9 when it was
written. Lyrics
Let us highlight some of the key lyrics for you.
Warm, touching warm.
Reaching out, touching me, touching you.
Sweet Caroline, good times never been so
good.
Picture
9 years old dude.
Much like #3, what starts as a harmless romantic love song gets warped
and twisted into a perverted obsession with a pre-pubescent.
But that’s nothing compared to…
The song
#1 in the UK in 1972, and #2 in the US. One of the biggest hits of the Irish
singer-songwriter’s career, co-written with his manger Gordon Mills.
What it’s about
Gordon Mills young daughter, who O’Sullivan babysat for. Lyrics
The song is told from the point of view of an Uncle,
adoring his young niece, Clair.
We say, “adoring”, we mean to say, “rubbing himself while
thinking of her”. Allegedly.
For much of the song (similar to Save All Your Kisses For
Me) the listener is led to believe it’s between adult to another.
Clair. The moment I met you, I swear.
I felt as if something, somewhere,
had happened to me, which I couldn’t see.
And then, the moment I met you, again.
I knew in my heart that we were friends.
It had to be so, it couldn’t be no.
Then, it gets really uncomfortable, really quick.
Words mean so little when you look up and
smile.
I don’t care what people say, to me you’re
more than a child.
Oh Clair. Clair …
We’re just going to sprinkle a couple more of
O’Sullivan’s furtive imagination run wild
But why in spite of our age difference do I
cry.
Nothing means more to me than hearing you
say,
“I’m going to marry you. Will you marry me,
Uncle Ray?”
While I, in an effort to babysit, catch up
on my breath,
what there is left of it.
Further investigation can be found here - http://itsallmaya.com/disturbing-lyrics-to-gilbert-osullivans-song-claire/
- not to mention a considerable amount of discussion at the bottom of the
article, going back and forth as to what the song really means. The post was made on January 29th
2009 and as of October 2010 is still going strong.
And as several people comment, of course there’s nothing
wrong writing about tremendous affection for a child, it’s really beautiful
actually. The problem is the use of
romantic language in describing it. “To
me you’re more than a child” is exactly how abusers see children, it’s how they
justify their desires by making it seem the child is more grown-up than he or
she actually is, and is therefore “ready” for adult treatment.
As we said at the beginning, with the exception of #4 we
don’t think any of them were intended this way.
Our best guess is that Gilbert (or Uncle Ray) was halfway through
writing one song, when he got the idea for Clair and fitted what he had already
written into that framework.
The real Clair, meanwhile, commented on how lovely and
decidedly non-creepy Uncle Ray was, so we’re probably just reading something
that isn’t there, in these jaded and cynical 21st century times.
Still, would any of these songs get away with being
released these days?
