Five Hit Songs (with creepy pedophilia sub-texts)

Pop music hasn’t always been about drug dealing, casual sex, oblivion drinking, strip-clubs and gang-related murder, as your parents would contend. Oh no.

They’ll insist, that back in the “good old days”, pop music used to be about more wholesome subjects; like death through dangerous driving (Leader Of The Pack), murdering unfaithful women (Delilah) and of course transvestites seducing naïve young men (Lola).

Oh but that was different, they’ll say.  It was fun and playful.  Not something to be taken seriously, it was always about the energy and the melodies.  Not like nowadays with your Pussycat Dolls pushing prostitution on 6 year olds.

They forget the music they evidently prefer happened when they were young; so naturally it seemed harmless at the time, perhaps even a little racy.  Now they’re old, it seems so much more real and threatening.

So lest we be allowed to forget, the vilest gangster-wannabe rapping about “blunts” or some such has absolutely nothing on the creepy fascinations that were big hits back in the day.  These were not obscure vinyl releases listened to by no one, you understand.  These songs containing insinuations of sexual interest in minors were huge way back when.

On behalf of our lawyers, we don’t think any of these songs were actually intended to be anthems for NAMBLA, they just ended up that way, unintentionally.

#5 – Itsy Bitsy Teen Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini – Brian Hyland

The song

First released in June 1960 by Brian Hyland, written by Paul Vance and Lee Pockriss. Lyrics here

Number 1 in the US, Top Ten in many other countries, including the UK Singles Chart.

Covered in 1990 by the Timmy Mallett-fronted Bombalurina, it reached #1.  You can listen to it here, if you really want to, or  if you have a lot of free time.  Or if you’re doing a research project on the decline of western civilisation.

Future historians will wonder over the UK Singles Chart, and will probably conclude it was the device of a cruel, totalitarian regime to torture dissidents.

What it’s about

A 2 year old girl. 

Still think the song is a playful, harmless ditty?  Paul Vance wrote the song inspired by the bikini his 2-year old was rather shy of revealing.  We don’t blame her.

#4 – My Sharona - The Knack

The song

My Sharona was the first single ever released by The Knack and made #1 in the US in 1979.  The Hit Me Baby One More Time of its day, as the band never managed to exceed the success of that initial smash.  Although unlike Britney, they did not go mental, or have sex with Justin Timberlake, to the best of our knowledge. 

What it’s about

Barely (as in not) legal under-age sex. Lyrics

Sharona was a real person.  Her name was Sharona Alperin and she was the girlfriend of The Knack’s lead-singer and guitarist Doug Fieger. 

Picture

He was 25, and she was 17, under the legal age of sexual consent for most states in the USA.

So if you have had a guilty pull thinking about Miley Cyrus before November 23^rd 2010, you are a sex criminal in the eyes of US law.

#3 – Save All Your Kisses For Me – Brotherhood Of Man

The song

#1 in six countries, and Top Ten in five more.  Winner of the 1976 Eurovision Song Contest.  That was in the days before it was exclusively the preserve of the gay community and the acerbic wit of Terry Wogan.

With a smile the ladies love…

What it’s about

A 3 year-old. Lyrics

Right up until the final, chilling, line where it is revealed the song is sung toward a toddler, you’re led to believe it’s a sickly ode to a lover to stay faithful while the protagonist embarks for parts unknown.

The use of romantic language substituting for the paternal protective love of a child is something you really could only get away with in the more sexually innocent time of the 70s

Picture

But it’s not as bad as…

#2 – Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

The song

Released in 1969, Top Ten in the US and later becoming a Top Ten single in the UK in 1971.  It has gone on to become one of Diamond’s most beloved songs, receiving a rapturous response when he played it at Glastonbury in 2008.  The song is also a mainstay of several Baseball arenas, including the home of the Boston Red Sox, Fenway Park.

It’s used as crowd control

What it’s about

Caroline Kennedy, daughter of President John F. Kennedy, who was 11 years old when the song was released, and 9 when it was written.  Lyrics

Let us highlight some of the key lyrics for you.

Warm, touching warm.

Reaching out, touching me, touching you.

Sweet Caroline, good times never been so good.

Picture

9 years old dude.  Much like #3, what starts as a harmless romantic love song gets warped and twisted into a perverted obsession with a pre-pubescent.

But that’s nothing compared to…

#1 – Clair - Gilbert O’Sullivan

The song

#1 in the UK in 1972, and #2 in the US.  One of the biggest hits of the Irish singer-songwriter’s career, co-written with his manger Gordon Mills.

What it’s about

Gordon Mills young daughter, who O’Sullivan babysat for.  Lyrics

The song is told from the point of view of an Uncle, adoring his young niece, Clair.

We say, “adoring”, we mean to say, “rubbing himself while thinking of her”.  Allegedly.

For much of the song (similar to Save All Your Kisses For Me) the listener is led to believe it’s between adult to another.

Clair. The moment I met you, I swear.

I felt as if something, somewhere,

had happened to me, which I couldn’t see.

And then, the moment I met you, again.

I knew in my heart that we were friends.

It had to be so, it couldn’t be no.

Then, it gets really uncomfortable, really quick.

Words mean so little when you look up and smile.

I don’t care what people say, to me you’re more than a child.

Oh Clair. Clair …

We’re just going to sprinkle a couple more of O’Sullivan’s furtive imagination run wild

But why in spite of our age difference do I cry.

Nothing means more to me than hearing you say,

“I’m going to marry you. Will you marry me, Uncle Ray?”

While I, in an effort to babysit, catch up on my breath,

what there is left of it.

Further investigation can be found here - http://itsallmaya.com/disturbing-lyrics-to-gilbert-osullivans-song-claire/ - not to mention a considerable amount of discussion at the bottom of the article, going back and forth as to what the song really means.  The post was made on January 29^th 2009 and as of October 2010 is still going strong.

And as several people comment, of course there’s nothing wrong writing about tremendous affection for a child, it’s really beautiful actually.  The problem is the use of romantic language in describing it.  “To me you’re more than a child” is exactly how abusers see children, it’s how they justify their desires by making it seem the child is more grown-up than he or she actually is, and is therefore “ready” for adult treatment.

As we said at the beginning, with the exception of #4 we don’t think any of them were intended this way.  Our best guess is that Gilbert (or Uncle Ray) was halfway through writing one song, when he got the idea for Clair and fitted what he had already written into that framework.

The real Clair, meanwhile, commented on how lovely and decidedly non-creepy Uncle Ray was, so we’re probably just reading something that isn’t there, in these jaded and cynical 21^st century times.

Still, would any of these songs get away with being released these days?

I'm writing a novel!  Thought the 8 month gap would have to justify something huge...

A funny thing fell into my Inbox today..

I received the following today,

---

Copied from a friend: An incident occurred in a supermarket recently when the following was witnessed: A woman dressed in a Burkha (a black gown & face mask) was standing with her shopping in a queue at the checkout. When it was her turn to be served , and as she reached the cashier, she made a loud remark about the British Flag lapel pin which the female cashier was wearing on her blouse. ............The cashier reached...... up and touched the pin and said, 'Yes, I always wear it proudly. My son serves abroad with the forces and I wear it for him. The Muslim woman then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing and killing her countrymen explaining that she was Iraqi. At that point an elderly gentleman standing in the queue stepped forward and interrupted with a calm and gentle voice, and said to the Iraqi woman: 'Excuse me, but hundreds of thousands of British men and women, just like this ladies son have fought and sacrificed their lives so that people just like YOU can stand here in Britain , which is MY country, and allow you to blatantly accuse an innocent check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that if you were allowed to be as outspoken as that in Iraq, which you claim to be YOUR country, then we wouldn't need to be fighting there today. However - now that you have learned how to speak out and criticize the British people who have afforded you the protection of MY country, I will gladly pay the cost of a ticket to help you pay your way back to Iraq. When you get there, and if you manage to survive for being as outspoken as what you are here in Britain, then you should be able to help straighten out the mess which YOUR Iraqi countrymen have got you into in the first place, which appears to be the reason that you have come to MY country to avoid.' Apparently the queue cheered and applauded. IF YOU AGREE... Pass this on to all of your proud British & other worldly friends.. I just did!!! It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. It's also nice to be British and proud!

---

OK, let's put the horrific content of the message aside for one moment, which I will come back to, but firstly...

This "story" is quite obviously made-up.  Let me take you through the ways.

1.       There are no names, dates, locations mentioned; always a key sign.
2.       The British Flag lapel pin?  British people do not wear lapel pins, and even if they did, they wouldn't call it the British Flag.  Union Jack, perhaps, or Union Flag if you're being pedantic, but not British Flag.
3.       Americans, however, do wear lapel pins.  Whoever wrote this took an American message and replaced the America with Britain.
4.       So did this guy in Australia - http://www.hoax-slayer.com/australian-flag-muslim-women-lapel-pin.shtml

So, now we've dispensed with the fiction, let's deal with the horrific.

1.       Those with weak arguments always create a "straw man" that they can then demolish as a way of proving their point.
2.       A woman in a Burkha (normally used by Afghans rather than Iraqis, but no matter; they're all the same, right?) accuses an innocent lapel pin wearer of a crime against humanity.
3.       Perfect.  Pick the most feared and despised ethnic group of the day, and have make them a completely unbelievable assertion which can now be dismissed with contempt.  Killing two birds with one stone, the crimes of the west are placed into the mouthpieces of those with least credibility.
4.       An elderly gentleman is now to state the correct reason for invading and occupying a country with the second largest reserves of oil in the world; freedom of speech.
5.       Let us put aside the support we gave to Iraq's evil, merciless, freedom-of-speech denying dictator when he was on our side fighting Iran.
6.       Let us put aside the stated reason for invading was an imminent threat of WMD.
7.       Let us also put aside the mark of a civilised society accepting refugees from war-torn countries.
8.       Let us just stick to the issue of freedom of speech.
9.       Yes, the woman was exercising a right that her home country would not allow.  What I find curious, however, is that the writers (and forwarders/sharers) of this poisonous swill have far more in common with repressive regimes than they'd care to admit.
10.   They don't believe in freedom of speech at all.  Isn't the mark of freedom of speech the ability to criticise the most important decisions of that country's government?  Not merely to repeat platitudes and uncontroversial opinions that no one would disagree with, or disagree with too strongly.
11.   So the line about paying for a ticket back to Iraq is particularly revealing.  Yes, this country is so much better than those from where peopled have fled, but if you say something we don't like we'll deport you straight back.  You're only here because "we" allow you to. 
12.   I'd be interested to know how much a ticket to Iraq is, given the "security situation".  I hope that elderly gentleman has deep pockets.  Pretty sure Ryan Air don't go there.
13.   But OK, play along.  Let's say she did make it back, and carried on being as outspoken as she was about the US/UK occupation.  Criticising the troops in that country could get you killed for being a "suspected insurgent".

Does this mean I wish the troops harm?  Or that I don't recognise the tremendous sacrifice they've put in?  Or that I think they're all war criminals and rapists?  Of course not.  I don't blame any individual soldier for ANYTHING.  I blame the liars and corrupt power-mongers that sent them there.  Even Abu Graib, even every atrocity exposed or suppressed, it's the fault of the leaders who sent them there in the first place. 

Who praise them when it's convenient to avoid larger public scrutiny, and deflect blame away from their catastrophic failure and obvious dishonesty, but are the first to label them "bad apples" and "rogues" when the predictable consequences of foreign intervention are realised.

I'm British and proud.  I am also married to a Muslim.  I also think people should raise as much money as possible through Help For Heroes or other charities scandalously forced to pick up the tab from government inaction, if that's what people believe in.  But people should be free to say what they like without being threatened with eviction for disagreement.

Support The Troops.

Change The Policies That Sent Them There.

The time has come...

I'm going to start Tweeting.  There Will Be Drivel...

New year, new play

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, we play from April 17-21.  I'm Guildenstern, and learning lines already.

It is a Big Part.

Really Big.

New York, was New York, and now I'm exercising off all the food.

Depression did clear, as I hoped it would.

Just need to write more.

Almost a fortnight

No, nothing,  Can't write a line.

Is this depression?  I certainly hope not.

Been a week...

Perhaps writing about writer’s block will help.

I’m interested in a new play, audition just after the trip to New York, but I can’t write at the moment.

I can’t write.

Another week at work, then maybe…