To Straight Edge or not?

OK, so I’ve decided to quit drinking.  Not because I have a problem, or anything.

No, really.  I don’t.

I don’t.

OK, I’ve had problems with other things.  I had to give up smoking, I could never be one of those part-time “social” smokers that everyone despises.  I used to smoke weed, and had to give that up too, realising if I had weed in the house, it would be gone just as quick.

So along with a self- centred nature and over-use of I, it would seem I have an addictive personality.  I’ve just substituted drink and smoke for food and exercise.  Less harmful addictions anyways.

Knowing this, albeit unconsciously for the most part, I never gamble.,  In my life I’ve bought one lottery ticket, and placed one bet on a horse.  I’ve never been to a casino.  These are all survival, management techniques.

But recently, giving up drinking, at least in the short-term, has been necessary.  Even if it gives us a 1% or 2% increased chance of fertility, it’s worth doing.

But it did get me thinking.

Knowing I was going to have to navigate several difficult social engagements; weddings, leaving parties and several official Pub visits and town nights out, means that I would have to develop a new kind of grammar for social interaction.

When you’re sober, and happy with the decision, you can hang around drinkers for several hours with no real difficulty.  It’s only when the drink really starts to kick in that you feel like the odd one out.  That’s when time for them starts passing by faster and faster, while for you it’s barely moving.

So I have to swear off the 4am drinking sessions.  OK, I can live with that.  It’s a money saver, plus I won’t miss the hangovers.

So will I miss going to a pub, and not having a beer or two?

No.

I don’t.  And I won’t.  I think I’ve learned to live inside my skin without the need for anything mind-altering.  It’s been coming a while, slowly easing off the partying and using my time more productively.  I can still go to the pub, without the need for beer, and trust myself to get the enjoyment I need.

So far it’s working, but I think I need a goal to work towards.

Straight Edge is that goal.

To live a clean life, without alcohol, tobacco or drugs, that’s the goal.  But it’s really the destination rather than the goal.  You shouldn’t get thrown off the train for one solitary lapse.  It’s something to aim for, rather.

According to AA, I think, you count as fully sober once you’ve been clean for a year.  That’s September 10^th 2012.  If I get there, when I get there, I think I’ll treat myself to something.

Watch me fail.