The World's Funniest Salesman

Check this guy out

I love this kid, hope he makes it.

My Tram Experience (not mine, someone else's)

Everyone else is doing it, why not me as well...

This is going to sound perverse, but I was quite heartened by the clip. Yes, ignorant know-nothing, probably had no school or discipline her whole life, mouthing off while other civilised people around her try to talk some sense. She just came off sounding like a head case, which is what all racists are when you think about it. That attituide was felt by 99% of the population 50 years ago, now' it's 1%, if that. 

And yes, it's that poor baby of hers I feel sorry for too.

No need to name and shame her, I suspect she's in a bad enough place as it is.  Besides, this clip will do all the work for us. 

Update - The Daily Mash have reported on it, so now the satirical correspondance is closed.

And there's a still a week left...

The rule number one of any blog is to update frequently.

The raison d’être, the key purpose, the mission statement of mine was to follow through previous lacklustre efforts.

I have failed.

Allow me to protest.

A new boiler has been put in, which broke a radiator.  In the bedroom.  Which won’t be replaced for two weeks.

Agh, said the wife.

A new TV has been bought, and now we have TiVo downstairs and the old cable box upstairs in the bedroom.

So we are cold at night, but at least we have TV.

Then we’ve been going through IVF, and are a week away from a pregnancy test.  Keep your fingers crossed.

I dropped out of the play I was going to be in, knowing I couldn’t give it my all.

And a couple of days ago, a month away from New York, and the day before the ATP Tennis Finals at the O2 (I’m not in it, just watching) my car has decided to break.

A few hundred pounds later, I might be able to get it back later today.

It’s been a long month...

A quick review of the Twilight films from someone who has never seen them...

Twilight - If a boy ignores you, and is rude to you, that means he likes you more than anything.

Twilight: New Moon - If this same boy causes, by his actions or inactions, you to end up physically injured requiring a trip to the hospital, it is your responsibility to cover for him, including lying to the authorities.

Twilight: Eclipse - if a different boy, who has the capability to rip out your throat, tells you he loves you but you tell him no, on six separate occasions, eventually you will give in and say yes.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 - Sex will kill you.  One time, any time.  Abortion is not an option, you must suffer always and give your own life regardless.

How far was I off?

Breaking down the decades...

Your early years and teens are spent trying to find out who you are

Your 20s are spent trying to develop a system to navigate the big bad world

Your 30s are spent finding the limits of that system, and re-negotiating…

Your 40s – I’ll let you know…

Musings on a Best Man...

I am Stan Smith.

My wife always jokes that of all the TV fictional characters, I am the most like him.

So I guess she isn’t joking, more like making an observation.

Stan Smith, for those of you unaware, is the patriarch of the Smith family in the animated series American Dad.  See by many as the unloved bastard child of the Seth “Family Guy” MacFarlane animation domination stable, it is in fact the very best of all.

Simpsons.  I still think it was good right the way until around the 16^th season.  Not great like the 4^th or 5^th season, but plenty funny enough.  It’s been on a slow decline since then.

Family Guy.  Take away the Stewie & Brian episodes, and you’ve got nothing.  Really.  Hoping this one gets cancelled soon.

Cleveland Show.  Was never brilliant, besides the “Superbowl Superbowl Superbowl” sketch which sticks in your head and won’t leave if you’re a fan of the NFL.  Even though it’s barely into the 3^rd season it’s looking short of ideas.  Tim The Bear still rules though.

American Dad has Roger the Alien, ultra-sarcastic multi-sexual alcoholic.  Klaus the Fish, former East German ski-jumper and latter-day piscine pervert.  Steve Smith, son and schoolboy pervert.  Hayley Smith, daughter and drug-taking pervert.  Francine Smith, wife, mother and reformed (but possibly current) pervert.

Here is my proof of the originality of the writing.

If that didn’t make you laugh, this one will.

If you still didn’t laugh, then I can’t help you.  See someone about it.

So anyway, Stan Smith is the archetype American.  Works for the CIA, an uber-patriot that keep a massive Star Spangled Banner on the front lawn.  Believes firmly in law and order, devoted Republican and particularly judgmental of others who don’t meet his defined standards.

So, nothing like me at all really.

Only, the thing is, and the reason why I love the show so much, that’s just the face they show to the world.  Each of the characters in their own way (besides all the perversion and substance abuse) are frightened and wounded creatures just looking for love and understanding.

Steve just wants to have a girlfriend to share his nerdy non-military tendencies; as does Klaus, albeit one who wants to get it on with a fish.  Hayley wants someone to understand her political leanings, as they are diametrically opposed to Stan’s.  Roger wants anyone to tolerate his wild alcoholism and tempestuous nature, by which I mean he wants someone to love him for him too.

And Stan.  He’s just wanted Francine, and she him.  While many episodes revolve around either Stan going overboard on some insignificant issue that ends up consuming him, or Francine giving in to some wild or unrealised side of her nature, they always end up confirming their commitment to one another.

Yes, exactly like The Simpsons.

But the interactions between Stan & Francine, as the serious, responsible man as seen from the outside, gives way to silly and deliberately preposterous antics when no one else is watching, is why I am Stan Smith.  Silly dances, gestures and other things no one else can see if I am ever to be taken seriously as a serious man.

And while there have been many “Stan” moments that I recognise in myself, they all pale beside the most recent episode, S07E04 - The Worst Stan, as Stan loses his last opportunity of being a best man at awedding.

Something that cannot be allowed to pass, so as he is cradled baby-like by Francine he devises a hare-brained scheme to get Principal Brian Lewis (the greatest recurring character on ‘Dad by far) a wife, so that he can then organise the matrimonial proceedings (with his title-carded name as best man in the biggest font)

I have never been a best man.  And it has always bothered me.  The two best chances I had were blown, when we fell out in a pretty permanent fashion, over the women they ended up marrying.

And once you’re over 30, most of your long-standing friends are either married, and the more recently acquired friends will have friendships far longer lasting than yours.

I’d make a killer best man speech too.  Always bothers me watching people reading their speeches (READING??? Learn it for god’s sake, you only have to do it once) stuttering and stumbling over their lines.

So, any takers?  I’d work almost free of charge.  Maybe a hare-brained scheme to get a man I barely know hitched will pan out.  Works on TV.

Two shows have fallen, with two more to go

Well, I did it.  South Park & The Office, watched every week since both aired, going back a decade, was not watched this week.

The Simpsons & The Cleveland Show, will not be watched in the coming week.

Progress.