Almost a fortnight

No, nothing,  Can't write a line.

Is this depression?  I certainly hope not.

Been a week...

Perhaps writing about writer’s block will help.

I’m interested in a new play, audition just after the trip to New York, but I can’t write at the moment.

I can’t write.

Another week at work, then maybe…

You become the thing you hate

This is why I hate the elderly...

The World's Funniest Salesman

Check this guy out

I love this kid, hope he makes it.

My Tram Experience (not mine, someone else's)

Everyone else is doing it, why not me as well...

This is going to sound perverse, but I was quite heartened by the clip. Yes, ignorant know-nothing, probably had no school or discipline her whole life, mouthing off while other civilised people around her try to talk some sense. She just came off sounding like a head case, which is what all racists are when you think about it. That attituide was felt by 99% of the population 50 years ago, now' it's 1%, if that. 

And yes, it's that poor baby of hers I feel sorry for too.

No need to name and shame her, I suspect she's in a bad enough place as it is.  Besides, this clip will do all the work for us. 

Update - The Daily Mash have reported on it, so now the satirical correspondance is closed.

And there's a still a week left...

The rule number one of any blog is to update frequently.

The raison d’être, the key purpose, the mission statement of mine was to follow through previous lacklustre efforts.

I have failed.

Allow me to protest.

A new boiler has been put in, which broke a radiator.  In the bedroom.  Which won’t be replaced for two weeks.

Agh, said the wife.

A new TV has been bought, and now we have TiVo downstairs and the old cable box upstairs in the bedroom.

So we are cold at night, but at least we have TV.

Then we’ve been going through IVF, and are a week away from a pregnancy test.  Keep your fingers crossed.

I dropped out of the play I was going to be in, knowing I couldn’t give it my all.

And a couple of days ago, a month away from New York, and the day before the ATP Tennis Finals at the O2 (I’m not in it, just watching) my car has decided to break.

A few hundred pounds later, I might be able to get it back later today.

It’s been a long month...

A quick review of the Twilight films from someone who has never seen them...

Twilight - If a boy ignores you, and is rude to you, that means he likes you more than anything.

Twilight: New Moon - If this same boy causes, by his actions or inactions, you to end up physically injured requiring a trip to the hospital, it is your responsibility to cover for him, including lying to the authorities.

Twilight: Eclipse - if a different boy, who has the capability to rip out your throat, tells you he loves you but you tell him no, on six separate occasions, eventually you will give in and say yes.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 - Sex will kill you.  One time, any time.  Abortion is not an option, you must suffer always and give your own life regardless.

How far was I off?

Breaking down the decades...

Your early years and teens are spent trying to find out who you are

Your 20s are spent trying to develop a system to navigate the big bad world

Your 30s are spent finding the limits of that system, and re-negotiating…

Your 40s – I’ll let you know…

Musings on a Best Man...

I am Stan Smith.

My wife always jokes that of all the TV fictional characters, I am the most like him.

So I guess she isn’t joking, more like making an observation.

Stan Smith, for those of you unaware, is the patriarch of the Smith family in the animated series American Dad.  See by many as the unloved bastard child of the Seth “Family Guy” MacFarlane animation domination stable, it is in fact the very best of all.

Simpsons.  I still think it was good right the way until around the 16^th season.  Not great like the 4^th or 5^th season, but plenty funny enough.  It’s been on a slow decline since then.

Family Guy.  Take away the Stewie & Brian episodes, and you’ve got nothing.  Really.  Hoping this one gets cancelled soon.

Cleveland Show.  Was never brilliant, besides the “Superbowl Superbowl Superbowl” sketch which sticks in your head and won’t leave if you’re a fan of the NFL.  Even though it’s barely into the 3^rd season it’s looking short of ideas.  Tim The Bear still rules though.

American Dad has Roger the Alien, ultra-sarcastic multi-sexual alcoholic.  Klaus the Fish, former East German ski-jumper and latter-day piscine pervert.  Steve Smith, son and schoolboy pervert.  Hayley Smith, daughter and drug-taking pervert.  Francine Smith, wife, mother and reformed (but possibly current) pervert.

Here is my proof of the originality of the writing.

If that didn’t make you laugh, this one will.

If you still didn’t laugh, then I can’t help you.  See someone about it.

So anyway, Stan Smith is the archetype American.  Works for the CIA, an uber-patriot that keep a massive Star Spangled Banner on the front lawn.  Believes firmly in law and order, devoted Republican and particularly judgmental of others who don’t meet his defined standards.

So, nothing like me at all really.

Only, the thing is, and the reason why I love the show so much, that’s just the face they show to the world.  Each of the characters in their own way (besides all the perversion and substance abuse) are frightened and wounded creatures just looking for love and understanding.

Steve just wants to have a girlfriend to share his nerdy non-military tendencies; as does Klaus, albeit one who wants to get it on with a fish.  Hayley wants someone to understand her political leanings, as they are diametrically opposed to Stan’s.  Roger wants anyone to tolerate his wild alcoholism and tempestuous nature, by which I mean he wants someone to love him for him too.

And Stan.  He’s just wanted Francine, and she him.  While many episodes revolve around either Stan going overboard on some insignificant issue that ends up consuming him, or Francine giving in to some wild or unrealised side of her nature, they always end up confirming their commitment to one another.

Yes, exactly like The Simpsons.

But the interactions between Stan & Francine, as the serious, responsible man as seen from the outside, gives way to silly and deliberately preposterous antics when no one else is watching, is why I am Stan Smith.  Silly dances, gestures and other things no one else can see if I am ever to be taken seriously as a serious man.

And while there have been many “Stan” moments that I recognise in myself, they all pale beside the most recent episode, S07E04 - The Worst Stan, as Stan loses his last opportunity of being a best man at awedding.

Something that cannot be allowed to pass, so as he is cradled baby-like by Francine he devises a hare-brained scheme to get Principal Brian Lewis (the greatest recurring character on ‘Dad by far) a wife, so that he can then organise the matrimonial proceedings (with his title-carded name as best man in the biggest font)

I have never been a best man.  And it has always bothered me.  The two best chances I had were blown, when we fell out in a pretty permanent fashion, over the women they ended up marrying.

And once you’re over 30, most of your long-standing friends are either married, and the more recently acquired friends will have friendships far longer lasting than yours.

I’d make a killer best man speech too.  Always bothers me watching people reading their speeches (READING??? Learn it for god’s sake, you only have to do it once) stuttering and stumbling over their lines.

So, any takers?  I’d work almost free of charge.  Maybe a hare-brained scheme to get a man I barely know hitched will pan out.  Works on TV.

Two shows have fallen, with two more to go

Well, I did it.  South Park & The Office, watched every week since both aired, going back a decade, was not watched this week.

The Simpsons & The Cleveland Show, will not be watched in the coming week.

Progress.

A badly written rant on the misuse of language

I read today that for the 2012 Presidential Campaign the US President is hosting $38,000 a plate fundraisers for his Wall Streetcontributors.

Apparently Barack Obama will raise somewhere in the region of $1 Billion for the election.

In 2004, “Evil” George W. Bush hosted $2000 a plate fundraisers.  That’s an increase of 19 to 1 in two election cycles.

Obama ran a campaign of “hope and change”.  In 2012 he will do much the same thing.

So where does the money come from?  What does it buy?

You know the answer.  Rich backers, and access.  Eventually, Government policy.

But it isn’t called bribery, oh no no.  Not corruption, goodness me no.  That happens in Zimbabwe and Pakistan, and those other ignorant backwaters.

This is called campaign finance.

In the UK, all the big supermarkets, pharmaceuticals and big business sponsor each annual political party conference; setting up workshops and such, advising how private finance can consult with (and profit from) public sector budget-holders.

Not corruption.  Consultation.

Just recently, “the markets” freaked out when the Greek president threatened a referendum to decide the outcome of the bailout.  To let the population decide whether these horrendous sacrifices demanded should be made in return for some money they’ll immediately hand back to the banks in the form of debt reduction.

Within days the president had gone.  No elections, a government of national unity will be raised instead and the crippling pay cuts and firesale selling of state assets will be rammed through against the wishes of 99% of the Greek people.

They call it “austerity”.  And something about democracy.  I forget.

But austerity sounds so much better doesn’t it?  We all have a rigid, fixed understanding of “austerity” in our heads, even running completely contrary to the original intent and usage.

Cuts to public services, children’s start-up programmes, street lighting, border controls.  Cuts everywhere you look.  That’s austerity.

Creating money out of thin air to buy up debt in a massive paper exercise that affects no one except the money man who make a living trading imaginary currency?  That’s called Quantitative Easing, or QE for short.

“Another £75 Billion of QE” they say.  No problem.  It’s all made-up anyways.

Cutting Billions from life-improving, taxpayer funded services in the name of satisfying the market wolves baying for blood?  That’s called Deficit Reduction.  Who can be against Deficit Reduction?  Only commies and students, I’ll bet.

Reducing over-time for Firemen, and Firewomen, the bravest people in the land, giving less job security, pensions and take-home pay?  That’s called “modernisation of working practices”.  Who can be against that?  Commies?  Yeah, probably.

Making it easier to fire staff, pregnant women, reduce maternity leave and pay, increasing contracted staff over permanent.  They call that “increasing flexibility in the labour market”.  Who wouldn’t want to be flexible?  It’s so...flexible.

Allowing millionaires to avoid tax, offshore tax havens, creating tens (maybe hundreds) of Billions of lost tax revenue, accounting for the entirety of our budget deficit.  That’s “maintaining a competitive tax environment”.  To argue against competition is to argue against reason, surely?

Language is being narrowed down, the vocabulary of public discourse reduced as meanings set in quick drying cement.

Democracy, Freedom, Tyranny, Terrorists, Free-markets, Defence, Spending (bad), Austerity (more austerity, more!) Economy, and my favourite, Elections.  All with manifest meanings, all generally understood, and used completely the opposite in practice.

Defence means selling weapons to further war.  Democracy means do what we say.  Tyranny is people we don’t like.  Freedom is people we do.  Free markets mean giving up your corner stores so a single supermarket can make you go there instead.  Elections give you the chance every four years to decide the face of your overlord, but not the policy.  The economy is whatever we say is good for your financial health.

Those protestors at St Paul’s, and the 24-hour news hounds that want bite-size digestible talking points from them, have both missed the point.

The economy, is working fine.  Really.  It is.  You might be watching apocalyptic scenarios play out on the news but actually it’s going great.

If you’re in the 1%.

If you’re not, and not hanging around at the margins trying to get a look-in, ah yes well you see, not so good.

The fallacy is that on some kind of level, we still believe that while these thieves are enriching themselves, receiving bailouts and bonuses while the rest of us slog through permanent “austerity”, it is the result of an accident.  As if the perfect economic system to benefit us all is temporarily spinning off its axis and just needs a few corrections.

It is not.  It’s working just fine.  It’s merely the natural consequence of what the 18^th century economist Adam Smith called “the vile maxim of the masters of mankind": “All for ourselves, and nothing for other People”.  (Thank you Noam Chomsky, I'm quoting your Adam Smith quote.  Saved me having to read The Wealth Of Nations)

And they’re using language to control how we view the situation, and think.

While George Orwell may have missed the mark in some elements of 1984 (to which we must give him a break, as he had no way of knowing decades later how Soviet-style totalitarianism would play out, much less the more subtle propaganda elements and entertainment)  when it came to Newspeak and social class, he was bang on.

A limited, thin dictionary will defined words defining thought, most importantly preventing rebellion.  85% of the population left to their squalor and pig-ignorance, while a small minority of outer party members work to further the interests of the 1% inner party.  Perfect.

Progress on telly

Simpsons aside (force of habit) I will not be watching South Park or The Office this week.  Breaking a run stretching back almost 8 years.

Sheesh, you write it like that you realise how locked in I am to my patterns.

Family Guy & American Dad are reprieved.  For the moment.

And then there was TV...

Here’s an idea for something to give up.  My perfectionist obsession with certain TV shows.  Specifically, my need to watch each and every episode of every show, ever, until the end of its run.  Here are the shows that I can claim 100% attendance.

The Simpsons

The Cleveland Show

Family Guy

American Dad

South Park

The Office

Wilfred

Louie

Lost

With the exception of American Dad (the greatest of all animations, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, with the obvious exception of golden-age Simpsons) I’ve grown bored and tired of them.  Watching them is now a duty, and a chore, for the most part.

They’re not terrible, well apart from recent Family Guy episodes, but all of them are past their best.  A better man than me would have given in years ago.

But I feel I have to see them all to the end.

Writing this out loud makes me realise how silly it is.  Stop a TV show if you don’t find it funny or entertaining any more.  It’s not loyalty to a family member, or a church.  No one is harmed, only yourself in the ever decreasing amount of enjoyment you gain from it.

That’s why I stopped drinking.

I am not a prisoner of my character.  I can change.

The next one to fall...

Did I mention I was giving up caffeine?  Kind of.

I mean, kind of giving up caffeine, not whether I kind of told you.

Who am I talking to anyway?

Well, my wife, for one.  She doesn’t remember me telling her I was finishing my supply of regular coffee, and switching to de-caf.

But she doesn’t read this, so I'm talking to no one, until the blog goes viral.

Which it won’t, because I never follow through on things.  Unless this blog really does break my lifetime habit.

So anyway, caffeine.

Not the biggest withdrawal.  For the past year or so I’ve slowly been cutting down the coffee, from 5 cups a day down to a single in the mornings.  Replaced it with tea.

So not completely caffeine free, but I’ve given up something else.  Each step I take, my head seems to get a little clearer.

Now I have no excuse for not sleeping.

Weekly catch-up

The drugs did arrive, albeit in the afternoon.  I was promised they would be delivered in the morning, but perhaps because I had a prior delivery arriving in the afternoon, the dispatch team probably decided not to rock the boat and keep things in the way they'd been accustomed.

So afternoon it was, and yes I raced to the fridge to put the drugs in.  Order was restored and failure remedied.

Until the following morning, when I was stopped by the Police for speeding.

As one error is uncovered and accounted, another one swiftly arises to take its place.

Can't knock the officers who took me in.  Yes, I was driving too fast, around 90mph.  On average.  They showed me the data, I held up my hands in more than one gesture of acceptance, and duly accepted the £60 fine a 3 points.

The first 3 points on my licence.  Since 2004.  Only my third offence in 17 years of driving.

If there was a survey though, I'd have given the officers top marks.  They get more than enough stick for your Ian Tomlinson's and Birmingham 6's, so it's only fair they get credit for doing their job correctly for yahoo scumbag drivers like myself.

Lesson learned.  Getting caught was a fair warning, will drive responsibly in future.

Cracked didn't feature my email in the chat.  Hey ho, you ride the dream, you gotta take your licks.

I'm waiting for my man

Just without any dollars in my hand.

The drugs delivery is any time now (8am-1pm to be exact), then I can go to work.  And then immediately go home again to look after the poorly wife and "work from home".

Cracked After Hours - 4 Terrifying Psychology Lessons Behind Famous Movie Monsters

http://www.cracked.com/video_18311_4-terrifying-psychology-lessons-behind-famous-movie-monsters.html

This is what I sent in as a question for their live chat.

Is the psychology lessons behind horror movies more related to power, rather than fear or anger?

• Freddy gets you in your dreams, the place where the normal rules of reality cease to apply.  You falls asleep, you enter his world
• Jason Voorhees gets people when they're naked, in the woods, vulnerable.
• The Alien Xenomorph, yes is all about the rape.  But isn't the crime of rape more about the power of one individual over another, and the damage it brings, rather than a sexual act.
• Zombies/Vampires, yes they can read about the fear of the "other", but Vampires are stronger, sexier and longer-lasting than us.  Zombies entrap you, imprison you.

Isn't the idea of a monster in general, something you can't understand, explain, and more importantly process, something that has an edge over you?

I realise this is not a question, and more of a long-winded talking point.

NFL @ Wembley

The game was great, 30 seconds left and the result was still in doubt.  Bears eventually won it 24-18, and with the Bills in a bye week the timing was perfect.

But the journey home, even better. 

15 minutes out of the stadium, 15 minutes on the train (only a 2 minute wait) and an hour from London back to Northampton.

Back home before 11!  Real one for the record books.

Yes, I'm old now.

Giving blood

If you want a way to feel good about yourself, may I recommend giving blood?

You can legally get time off work to do it, takes no time at all, doesn’t hurt (I never look at the needles) and it might just save someone’s life.

Beats one of those Paul McKenna books anyhow.

So I'm in a pretty good routine with giving blood at the moment.  Every 4 months or so, 3 times a year, it takes an hour out of my day.

Did I mention free tea and crisps?

You have no excuse not to.

Or have been to some country, or have AIDS or something, but otherwise you’ve no excuse.

Unless you’ve received blood of course, in which case you can’t.

Though it did make me ponder (as events often do) that the more people who donate blood, means that more people can receive blood.  But as the number of those that receive blood rise, then that means the people who can’t give blood rises also. 

Which means that we need more people to give blood.

Trust me, you’ll feel good about yourself.

Contagion - after

See the film, then go home, lock every door and wash yourself thoroughly.

You'll never see door knobs in the same way again.

Contagion - before

Going to see Contagion tonight, will review afterwards.  I suspect I will not want to leave the house.  Ever.

Stone Roses, NFL & another eating challenge

"I'm zipping through the days at lightning speed" - Rolling Stones, Exile On Main Street.

We bought a TV for upstairs, getting a TIVO for downstairs and re-locating the existing V+ Box upstairs.  Buying a new boiler (if you don't own a house, this is a huge purchase), just picked up an opportunity for NFL tickets at Wembley on Sunday, and there a re-arranged eating challenge to come with my games night people.  One massive burger, chips and sides in under 15 minutes.

I feel I'm falling through space, got to hang on.  So much change, and there's New York for Xmas.

God Is Moving, apparently...

An FB friend posted this recently...

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home… alone. She wasn’t afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe ...from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God’s protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, “Because she wasn’t alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her.” Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you’re never alone. Did you know that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God? Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly believe in God. PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you. I bet 93% of the people that read this wont repost it. I read this and reposted it. Well I bet you read this note because of the title, didn’t you. *GOD IS MOVING!* :) *Share it to everyone! feel free to copy-paste OR share this note. This is not a private note. Repost it even if you're not a teenager

So, is the moral of the story that if you don't believe in God you'll be raped? Or that rape victims deserved it because they didn't pray for protection. That's an absolutely disgusting message.

That's what I commented.  Should I have kept my mouth shut?  I don't think so.

Will it have made any difference?  Does it merely reinforce the differences between us?  No, and yes, respectively.

What I do to keep my brain active

My friend is appearing in a play called Dancing at Lughnasa (I had to go and look that up) and I can’t remember the name.

It’s a silly name anyhow, though I really hope the play is good.  So for humour’s sake I started deliberately mis-remembering the title, Dithering With Lamb Shank for instance.

Here are some more, I promised one per day until opening night.

Delivering with Louisa

Deputising at Leyland

Dignifying to Lindsey

Defending with La Bamba

Deciding to Limbo

Diffusing on a Lemsip

Defenestrating a Lampost

Dangling with Linda

Deepening a Leg injury

Denoting with Lulu

And then, the writer's block cleared...

Damn it, I am not not doing this, I am not going to let this blog slide like I have so many others.

You see, I’ve been stuck trying to think of something to write for a couple of days, with no success.

But now I’ve thought of a topic, and it’s perfect, and it made me happy and relaxed.

It’s about a serious error I made, so there is conflict there.

But it’s perfect, because it’s I fell out of the blocks.

About a week ago, I had to take delivery of a serious amount of drugs and needles.  Had to stay home and everything.

It was made very clear to me, being as it is related to our fertility treatment, that one of the treatments had to be kept in the fridge immediately upon delivery.

And somehow, despite being clearly labelled on the bottle, and in the bag it came in, I got confused by the instructions to remove the item from the travel bag and place in the fridge, so I placed in the fridge the container that was in what looked to me like a travel bag.

I still feel it could have been made ever clearer, but it’s done.  At our injection training this morning, I was told I’d have to pay for a replacement, £20-£30 which it is more than a pleasure to pay to get things back on track.

It’s funny, because when I was struggling to think of a name for the blog, it came to me that I was “falling out of the block” by even thinking of a name, but then all my posts after that were informational or obsessed with REM.  Now here I am justifying its existence and dragging myself out of a couple-day rut with a story that confirms right at the beginning of our fertility journey, I can still be relied upon to fail.

At least she’s still talking to me.

Aah :)

To Straight Edge or not?

OK, so I’ve decided to quit drinking.  Not because I have a problem, or anything.

No, really.  I don’t.

I don’t.

OK, I’ve had problems with other things.  I had to give up smoking, I could never be one of those part-time “social” smokers that everyone despises.  I used to smoke weed, and had to give that up too, realising if I had weed in the house, it would be gone just as quick.

So along with a self- centred nature and over-use of I, it would seem I have an addictive personality.  I’ve just substituted drink and smoke for food and exercise.  Less harmful addictions anyways.

Knowing this, albeit unconsciously for the most part, I never gamble.,  In my life I’ve bought one lottery ticket, and placed one bet on a horse.  I’ve never been to a casino.  These are all survival, management techniques.

But recently, giving up drinking, at least in the short-term, has been necessary.  Even if it gives us a 1% or 2% increased chance of fertility, it’s worth doing.

But it did get me thinking.

Knowing I was going to have to navigate several difficult social engagements; weddings, leaving parties and several official Pub visits and town nights out, means that I would have to develop a new kind of grammar for social interaction.

When you’re sober, and happy with the decision, you can hang around drinkers for several hours with no real difficulty.  It’s only when the drink really starts to kick in that you feel like the odd one out.  That’s when time for them starts passing by faster and faster, while for you it’s barely moving.

So I have to swear off the 4am drinking sessions.  OK, I can live with that.  It’s a money saver, plus I won’t miss the hangovers.

So will I miss going to a pub, and not having a beer or two?

No.

I don’t.  And I won’t.  I think I’ve learned to live inside my skin without the need for anything mind-altering.  It’s been coming a while, slowly easing off the partying and using my time more productively.  I can still go to the pub, without the need for beer, and trust myself to get the enjoyment I need.

So far it’s working, but I think I need a goal to work towards.

Straight Edge is that goal.

To live a clean life, without alcohol, tobacco or drugs, that’s the goal.  But it’s really the destination rather than the goal.  You shouldn’t get thrown off the train for one solitary lapse.  It’s something to aim for, rather.

According to AA, I think, you count as fully sober once you’ve been clean for a year.  That’s September 10^th 2012.  If I get there, when I get there, I think I’ll treat myself to something.

Watch me fail.

REM's Finest - Day 16

Album – Collapse Into Now (2011)

Highlight – Überlin

Reason – Accelerate showed that REM still had glimpses of life left in them, albeit the sound of a band pushing against the onward ravages of time, baldness and the paunch.  For ‘Collapse they expanded their sound, once again rehearsing and recording in different studios and taking breaks between live shows to write more songs,.

The result was an album of new songs, that called back to much of their earlier work.  Out Of Time, Monster, Green all got shouts, especially the Country Feedback-sounding Blue.   Überlin was classic Neo-REM, honed musically through all their years of experience an featuring some chirpy, pseudo-hip Stipe suggesting much depth.

It was, in hindsight, the sound of a band about to split.  They almost had during the Hi-Fi & Up days, lyrics hinted at a band pulling itself apart.  But this time at the end of their 5-album Warner Brothers deal; in a world where albums had ceased to become pre-eminent and videos made by 18 year-olds the dominant force, it was maybe the right decision to call it a day before their creative powers were spent any further.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 9.  Walk It Back, one of the warmer, sincere and grown-up songs from the post-closet Stipe days, provides an fascinating counterpoint to the confused, mumbly lush of his younger days.  Thank you Michael, it’s been great watching you grow up on record.

REM's Finest - Day 15

Album – Accelerate (2008)

Highlight – Supernatural Superserious

Reason – After the poorly-received and even poorly-charted and sold ‘Sun, REM did another world tour in 2005 and 2006 (including a rain-soaked Nottingham where, in spite of the band’s  best efforts, the crowd could not get engaged) and reflected on where to go next.  They decided to make an album (fearing it may be their last) the exact opposite of before, live and raw as quick as possible.

Debuting works in progress at Dublin’s Olympia, and listening to feedback, the band recorded the album in less time than almost any other, except perhaps for Fables back in 1985.

It’s hard to believe ‘Serious, the first single, was made by guys pushing 50.  Monster meeting Life’s Rich Pageant in an indie club, only the lyrics betray the paternal wisdom of letting go of teenage hang-ups.  After the storming three-track opening, the album settles down into more adult territory, and save for the excellent Accelerate, it’s all a little bit forgettable.  From their high-water mark of 10 great ‘Automatic tracks, down to 6, to 5, we’re now down to 3 or 4 solid tunes.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 9.  To be perfectly honest, there’s nothing overtly “swishy” on this album, but since I’ve painted myself into a corner with an ever ascending level of marks, I'm forced to twist facts in order to justify my “emerging gayness” theory.  So OK, Man-Sized Wreath is pretty fruity and open I guess.

REM's Finest - Day 14

Album – Around The Sun (2004)

Highlight – Leaving New York

Reason – You are about to read something some of you may find shocking.

I actually quite liked Around The Sun.  Pause for gasp.

OK, it’s no Automatic, or Reveal, or ‘Pageant, but it is by no means terrible.  It’s just not quite up to the standard of previous albums, which is sadly how bands tend to be judged.  The band had delayed recording to work on releasing the excellent Bad Day & Animal as part of their Greatest Hits package for Warner Brothers, which pushed back the release of ‘Sun to 2004.  When they returned to finish recording, the album ended up sounding over-produced, and frankly the band sound a bit bored and ever so slightly over the hill.

That said, even if the mark of top quality dropped from the 10+ of Automatic down to the 6 or so of later albums, there are still 4 very strong numbers on ‘Sun.  The best being lead single Leaving New York, but also Aftermath, Electron Blue & even Q-Tip’s largely pointless rap at the end of The Outsiders doesn’t take away too much.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 9.  Oh boy, he’s out!  He’s out!  Finally talking about “The Boyfriend” on Leaving New York gives some real sincerity to the lyrics.  “Easier to leave, than to be left behind” and “I love you forever” perfectly captures the angst, frustration and loss when leaving a loved one.  I'm genuinely happy for him.

REM's Finest - Day 13

Album – Reveal (2001)

Highlight – I’ll Take The Rain

Reason – After the difficult recording of Up and the transition to from 4-piece to 3-piece supported by backing band, not to mention departing from producer Scott Litt, REM returned after 3 years with a new album (note the ever-widening gaps between albums).  Fans had only the meta-tastic sunshine bliss of The Great Beyond (from the Man On The Moon soundtrack) to chew on, so this was a long-expected release and was hailed from the outset as one of their finest.

Certainly, in the lead single Imitation Of Life, and album opener The Lifting, REM had a vibrancy and passion not seen since Monster, but with a greater diversity of palette.  Beat A Drum, All The Way To Reno (You're Gonna Be a Star) and Disappear proved that REM could almost do anything and do it well.  It’s the sound of a band still at the top of its game after 20 years together.  And one might say, it was their last truly great album.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 7.  If Automatic was the Death album, Monster the Sex album, New Adventures the Travel album & Up the Electronic album; then Reveal would be the Space album.  Probably biding his time before the Gay album to follow...

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy - my film review and what happened when I watched it

I used to write film reviews for a variety of websites, but since I’ve started the blog it doesn’t seem quite right somehow, don’t know why.  But I did go and see Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy recently and people asked me what I thought, plus there is a story to tell so I thought I’d include it along with what would have been a review.  Hopefully this won’t be too much like that god-awful Ain’t It Cool News guy…

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So I'm staying at a hotel in Birmingham on a job with work.  No matter how much I can eat at an All You Can Eat Breakfast, there is an all-pervading sense of loneliness away from the home comforts.  I decided to go the movies one night, armed only with money and the Navigation app on my phone directing me to turn right and keep walking for half a mile, until I got to the multiplex.  Didn’t stop me checking it every few seconds though.

It was the first time I’d queued up for a cinema ticket in years.  Terrified of my must-see flick being sold out or forced to sit in those seats in the front section that cause neck and spinal injuries from hunching the head upwards towards the screen, I’d always booked over the internet.

But this time I queued up with the everyone elses, aware of the special circle of loser hell reserved for those asking for one ticket to a movie.  No date, no life.

“One for Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy please” I said, displaying my wedding ring as prominently and obviously as was decent.

“How many was that?” said the cashier.

Thanks.  Thanks for that, cashier lady.

“One please” I repeated, hoping to add, “I have a wife you know!”.

This temporary humiliation averted, I proceeded upstairs to the screen room.  Were this in my hometown, I’d have made it to the cinema with the exact amount of time to park the car, collect the tickets and make it to the screening room AFTER the previous patrons had left their earlier screening, but BEFORE the adverts of our screening begin; thereby avoiding any further awkwardness finding our designated row and seat in the dark, all the while tripping over outstretched legs and the general tutting of other cinema-goers as they half-heartedly move aside to let you pass.

Not so lucky.  In my efforts to be on time walking to a new location I’d arrived 15 minutes early, so as the film was still running, I had to hang around outside the screening room feeling like even more of a loser.

When it finished and the goers burst out there’s then the obligatory clean-up of popcorn and whatever else, so tack on another few minutes hopping from one foot to another. 

It was then that across the waiting area, the woman with quite possibly the loudest voice in the county, said to her two male companions

“So, was ACTOR’S NAME actually CRUCIAL PLOT INFORMATION NOT REVEALED UNTIL THE END DIVULGED BUT SUPPRESSED HERE then was he?”

Oh yes” said her male companion.  ACTOR’S NAME most definitely is MORE CRUCIAL PLOT INFORMATION DIVULGED BUT SUPPRESSED HERE.

This is what happens when you arrive too early for a film, by yourself.  It’s my fault, I know.  So anyway, here is my review.

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In 1973, following a botched rendezvous in Budapest with a prospective defector during the cold war, senior members of MI6, George Smiley (Gary Oldman) & his boss “Control” (John Hurt) are moved along from their positions into retirement.  When an agent in the field comes to believe that there may be a mole working for the Russians deep inside MI6, something long suspected by Control, Smiley is recalled to sniff him (or her.  No, balls to that, it’s a him) out.

Adapted from the novel by John le Carré and originally a multi-part TV series starring Alec Guinness in the role now taken by Gary Oldman, TTSS is less about the plot; being as it is, fairly straight-forward to grasp, and more about the period detail and the comment on the workings of the intelligence service.  That is, trust no one.

It’s revealing that Oldman (in a career game-changing performance, inverting his typecast manic personality) does not speak a word in the first 10 minutes or so of the film, merely watching others and carrying on, as he would have done his entire professional life. 

This is a film about secrets, the men who keep them, and others that search for them.  Working at the “Circus” means not only leading a double life away from your friends and family as you’re unable to divulge the details of your work, but also from your own colleagues in case they're after your job, or helping the other side.

This is by no means an easy film to get into.  It’s slow, deliberately slow, as if the film-makers were making their anti-Spooks credentials as clear as possible, and consists of an ensemble cast (Harry Potter-levels of British acting talent) in turn making a case for being or not being the mole, which Smiley has to surgically pick apart.

In the background is the sense of a different time, where the gender roles were more rigid, and the declining place of Britain’s importance in world affairs wasn’t as obvious.  It’s the study of a world where the old values of loyalty, trust and honour are increasingly threatened by ambition, treachery and the ruthless pursuit of power. And it’s a threat that is never completely arrested.  By all means do go and see this film, but set your brain to study.

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After the film was finished, the group of six or so people to my right (and blocking my path to the exit) stayed to talk about the film instead of doing what almost everyone else does and bolt for the exit, so I had a fun time squeezing past their non-existent efforts to move.

On the walk home I moved past increasingly drunker and drunker young people as they stood outside various pubs and clubs of Birmingham’s night life talking in very loud voices.  As I’ve recently stopped drinking it made me even more detached from the rest of society and even older than I would feel normally.  Did I miss their revelling, even as my other work colleagues were off out on the town that same night?  I can honestly say I didn’t.

REM's Finest - Day 12

Album – Up (1998)

Highlight – At My Most Beautiful

Reason – Maybe it was his brush with death on the world tour; or maybe (as he said at the time) he just didn’t want to do it anymore, but when Bill Berry formally left the band on the first day’s rehearsal no matter how amicably given and received, it left the band with a problem.  Stipe later said the band then “leapfrogged their next two albums” going past rock, country and straight towards electronica.  It made sense without a formal drummer to fill the gap with session players and drum machines, and it gave them the push to head into (yet) another musical direction.

Not that REM turned into Radiohead or something (thank goodness.  Look I'm as broad-minded as the next man, and it’s very worthy and honourable the ‘Head are being experimental and arty and whathaveyou, but the fact is Street Spirit, No Surprises, Creep et al will always be better than In Rainbows no matter how much you lie to yourself that they aren’t.  Old ‘Head is just better, OK?) even if they did give them the idea.  It’s still recognisably REM, just with Daysleeper, Lotus & Airportman adding (yet) more strings to their bow.  Sadly, it was never quite able to carry their audience with them and merely six months after release Stipe described it as “dead in the water”.  But with At My Most Beautiful heading the pack, one of the most perfect, tender love songs (apparently the lyrics took a year to complete) ever composed, the troubled waters suggested by Falls To Climb (gentleman mark your opponents, fire into your own ranks) were being traversed, more or less.

Stipe Gayness Factor - 7.  Having established himself as “Queer”, or “Bi” as the rest of the English speaking world would have it, this is one of the more personal albums Stipe put out, mentioning more of relationship and the dreaded human interaction.

REM's Finest - Day 11

Album – New Adventures In Hi-Fi (1996)

Highlight – The Wake Up Bomb

Reason – During their world tour of 1995, REM sent recordings to long-time producer Scott Lit to mix for what they planned to be an album of new songs played entirely live.  As it turned out, with various illnesses besetting each member of the band (the brain aneurysm of drummer Bill Berry easily the worst) the band booked some studio time to end up with roughly two-thirds concert songs and one-third recorded.  It’s the sound of an accomplished band  confidently playing through the different styles of music they’d picked up through their career, but more importantly it’s a band frazzled through constant touring and displaying the first signs of pulling apart.  It makes for fascinating, haggard music though, with How The West Was Won And Where It Got Us, Leave & Electrolite as good as anything the band produced.  But the fizzing, high-tempo rollercoaster of ‘Bomb (debuted on the MTV Music Awards) just takes it.  The aggressive sound of a band with just enough life left to carry on regardless.

Stipe Gayness Factor - 7.  New Test Leper, another stand-out, recounts the singer’s musings on the relationship between a TV studio audience and the guest with something to say but unable to convey it effectively.  Something you want to tell us?  In an interview Michael said he disliked being put into pigeon-holes and stereotypes on Gay, Straight or Bi, much less be a spokesperson for a civil rights movement.  “I'm an equal opportunity lech” he said.  He’s almost there.

REM's Finest - Day 10

Album – Monster (1994)

Highlight – What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?

Reason – Ahead of their first world tour in 5 years, REM ditched the mandolins, pianos and the orchestras of the previous two albums and went LOUD.  The opening track ‘Kenneth perfectly captured their new sound in a fresh and energetic single, referencing the bizarre phrase a bunch of muggers used when beating up US TV anchor Dan Rather.  It’s a shame the rest of the album isn’t quite as diverse, as the crunching queered guitar does get a little repetitive towards the end, but there are still a half dozen strong songs contained.

Stipe Gayness Factor - 7.  “We’re feeling sexy and loud” said Stipe in an interview.  Finally getting his dick out in the studio after a mere 14 years and 9 albums.  Track 10’s Let Me In was on the relationship between himself and Kurt Cobain, which contrasted nicely with Track 2’s Crush With Eyeliner on the singer’s relationship with Courtney Love.  Monster put him in the Bi zone.

REM's Finest - Day 9

Album – Automatic For The People (1992)

Highlight – Find The River

Reason – Just 3 months after the release of ‘Time, REM were back writing songs for the next album.  Having decided not to tour in support of ‘Time, the band were free to start recording for ‘Automatic across the USA.  If ‘Time could be described as the Love album, then Automatic would definitely be the Death album.  The end of a long life in Try Not To Breathe, the thoughts of prematurely ending a young one in Everybody Hurts. The spectre of AIDS hanging over Nightswimming.  But it was the timeless beauty of closing track Find The River, edging out Drive & Man On The Moon that made it to the top.  The wistful reflection of an uncertain future (the original demo made it to the album) could be played every day for 50 years and never get tired.

Stipe Gayness Factor - 7.  Stipe lost friends to the AIDS virus and it’s clear this was playing on his mind through the lyrics of the songs.  He’s almost there…

REM's Finest - Day 8

Album – Out Of Time (1991)

Highlight – Losing My Religion (obviously)

Reason – After an almost 3 year break between albums (1 year taken up with a world tour) REM returned with their biggest selling album, their first number 1, and one of the biggest songs of the decade.  The meditation on fame and anxiety in the spotlight set to Peter Buck’s mandolin made it THE song everyone would like, regardless of your personal taste.

Stipe Gayness Factor - 6.  Stipe said he wanted to challenge himself by writing an album of love songs; but closer to the French definition of the love song, in that it would talk about, but not speak the L word aloud.  It’s like Oscar Wilde never went away.

REM's Finest - Day 7

Album – Green (1988)

Highlight – Untitled

Reason – If your definition of “selling out”, if you have one, is making an album that lots of people like and want to buy, or when  a band on an independent label signs with a big corporate, then this would be the album that caused REM to take a long pull on a purple scaly phallus and imbibe its black, manky produce.
Actually selling about the same number of copies as Document, Green is a more pop-oriented album, with the likes of Get Up, Stand & Orange Crush, but Stipe had managed to hone his lyrics and vocal performance to make some poetic statements on the way the world was going.

I first heard Green on a tape-to-tape copy (the 80’s version of illegal downloading) so always assumed the untitled track at the end was a B-side or a bonus from another album.  This was pre-internet so my only recourse was to buy every single album and compilation CD trying to find out the name.  Only after buying their biography did I learn the truth.  Fail.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 5.  Let’s not labour this point, but on their 1989 world tour Michael was flamboyant and dramatic, to say the least.

REM's Finest - Day 6

Album – Document (1987)

Highlight – It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Reason – The final album from their independent label IRS, completing the 5 record deal they signed way back in 1982.  Breakthrough single The One I Love brought them chart success, and is bizarrely  played at weddings quite often in spite of the heartless attitude of the narrator (a simple prop, to occupy my time).  But the stand out track for me is the Subterranean Homesick Blues tribute to ecological Armageddon, finished off with a cheerful shrug, a closer for the stadium tours they were later to perform.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 5.  A distancing from romantic engagement, more environmental worries and a passion for human rights and justice.  Anything to take your mind off those dream about trains forcing themselves into tight tunnels.

REM's Finest - Day 5

Album – Life’s Rich Pageant (1986)

Highlight – Fall On Me

Reason – Maintaining both their workrate and their commitment to new directions of music, REM cleared up the vocals and with more accomplished musicianship tiptoed ever so closer to the mainstream.  Fall On Me, perfect for radio, sets their newly stated environmental concerns to their now trademark choral refrains.  Even better on their MTV Unplugged set.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 4.  Ah, politics.  Where would political activism be without the closet cases and the sexophobic, as I know all too well.  The common refuge for those struggling with strange and confusing feelings is a better and more equal society’s gain.  Stipe would hold onto this beard for a few albums to come.

REM's Finest - Day 4

Album – Fables Of The Reconstruction (1985)

Highlight – Wendell Gee

Reason – To give it the full name, Fables Of The Reconstruction Of The Fables Of The.. and so on, bloody art students.  Recorded in London in between much touring, the band had barely a week to write the album with a new producer far away from home.  It’s testament to their creative powers that they pushed themselves away from their jangly stereotypes and into some more choral and folk-esque arrangements.  ‘ Gee, the closing track, is everything that REM do best.  Ambiguous, elusive, frustratingly cryptic but achingly beautiful.

Stipe Gayness Factor – 2.  OK, we’re beginning to get somewhere.  Becoming a storyteller, our young man is.  He shaved his head, dyed the new hair with mustard, drew words on himself and took to some odd fashion choices.  Experimenting :)

Buffalo 34 New England 31

Jon Cena! Good Will Hunting! Erm, Julianne Moore’s character from 30 Rock! Tom Brady! Wes Welker! Bill Belichick! Can you hear me Belichick you cheating scumbag?! You just got beat by the Bills! The Bills just beat you 34-31! You blew a 21-0 lead! BILLS ARE 3-0!!!!

Later - why supposedly intelligent people go silly over sports.

REM's Finest - Day 3

Album - Reckoning (1984)

Highlight – So. Central Rain

Reason – The follow-up to their universally applauded debut, REM attempted to capture a sound closer to their wild and energetic live shows.  Never going to be the classic debut of Murmur, but REM neatly avoided the “difficult second album” cliché by broadening their sound and freshening their output with the angelic vocals of ‘Rain, repeating the refrain “I’m sorry” until the microphone broke.  True, microphone really did break.

Stipe Gayness Factor - 1.  While the vocals did become a little clearer, we’re still nowhere near knowing what’s going on in that guy’s head.  The Mike Mills’ song “Don’t Go Back To Rockville” written as a plea to his girlfriend to stay over summer probably didn’t help.